Confessional
So I made the decision to detach this account from my Twitter because I don’t want 400+ people stalking this thing anymore. Not that I’ve really been using it, or my official blog as of late. I’ve been so busy with work and moving and trying to keep my shit together long enough to make it through another day that I just don’t have the energy to be online much anymore. But that needs to change, because I’ve noticed that the less time I have for my own activities, the worse I’ve been feeling.
This just doesn’t feel like my life anymore. I feel like I’m supposed to be a grownup and make mature decisions, but I just fail in that department. I’m full of this self-doubt that turns into self-defeat and unhealthy thoughts. It’s like my mind has become a very dark place as of late. And yes, I’m well aware I should go talk to someone. But I’m just not at that stage yet. It will come. It always does eventually. And I’m sure things will get a lot worse before they get better. But right now, at this moment, everything seems pretty fucking hopeless and I’m afraid I’ll never get out of this mindset and get over all of this stuff. I’ve had brief periods where I think I’ve got all this shit beat, but it never lasts for more than a year at most. At least I’m not doing drugs anymore.
And I had so much more I wanted to say, but The Husband is dragging me to dinner with his friends, which is always such a triggering and messed up event. I pretty much hate every moment of it.
